Fire and relationships

I think i know why i am so fascinated with fire.

Fire is a visual of how i view and attempt to handle relationships.

A fire gives a glow and warmth to those close to it. Close to a fire, everything seems ok. It warms the soul and body and is needed for survival.

With fire, everything is recipricol.

Once kindled, if I add fuel, the fire will respond in kind; I add more fuel, the fire burns brighter and longer.

If I delay the fuel, the fire will die down and eventually go out.

Of course the more fuel i add, unless kept at a bare minimum the bigger the fire grows and more fuel is needed that before for mere sustanence.

Unfortunately, not all fires are good.

Once fire finds an alternate fuel source, what I add becomes relatively irrelevant. Even if i abandon it, the fire will consume its alternate source. At this point, I have lost control. If I decide to add fuel, it does not hrm the fire, but will only burn harder and hotter, quicklly consuming what i have to offer and yielding nothing. There will be a point when eventually the fire will follow the alternate source and abandon me completely.

That is a bad fire. A fire gone wild.

This is how i view relationships. In my mind, an ideal relatinship has many of the same ideals; What i put into it will be recipocated. As I add more, the relationship grows, and so will the amount i need to contribute to sustain the relatinship. Evenytually a happy medium is found, but not until the relationship completely envelops, much like a flame in a stove.

Now I wonder, why is this not the case?

Sure a fire will every once and a while sputer and crackle, but its a trademark of a fire. The glow and warmth and protection offered greatly outweighs those minor crackles and sputters and hisses.

Not so in most relationships.

I only hope my fire will reciprocate and that i have enough fuel to keep it burning bright.

Uncertainty

I feel.... I"m not sure what i feel.

Anxiety?

No, not it.

Frustration?

In a sense, but no not quite.

Apprehension?

I don't know what about.

Fear?

Yes, but from something i can't grasp.

Impatience?

There is no explanation.

Jealousy?

Once again, unfounded.

Joy?

In a bittersweet sense.

Happiness?

Yes, but something else.

Love?

Eternally, but something else invades me.

Confusion?

Yes, because this intangible feeling evades me

What is this tightening inside my chest that drives me?