Ho hum, My Nissan's clutch is toast, but my van is out of the shop and is sporting a brand new driveshaft. In other news, I finally enrolled in the company's benefits program for full-time employees. All I have left to do is decide who my beneficiary will be for my life insurance. Other than that, I will be going to Gameworks tonight, and quite possibly BD's Mongolian barbeque with Dani. Tomorrow will be an interesting day as Dani20, Dani22, and I pull an all-nighter and watch some movies. Still no news on the D&D group for the weekend, but oh well.
Currently I am working on Shawn's laptop and am trying to see if I cannot get the bugger to work. Whoever did the maintenence on it did a shoddy job; the heatsink was not properly affixed and the fan was not plugged in.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Violin
I have been sick as a dog over the past couple of days, but now I feel a bit better. I had Easter dinner with my father and his friends. His dominatrix's kids were there, and they were a blast to hang out with. They want to form a small D&D group this weekend and I think it will be interesting. Also, my father surprised me by bringing me a violin. It is the violin I had when I first started playing. I am rusty, but It was so wonderful to run my fingers across the wooden face once again. I have it tuned and polished.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Full Time
Today I was offered a fulltime position at
McGraw-Hill. The pay is 10.25 an hour and full benefits. Things are falling nicely into place.
McGraw-Hill. The pay is 10.25 an hour and full benefits. Things are falling nicely into place.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Weekend in Brief with Snow in another city
I just got back from a couple days in Lancaster. I got snowed in with a level 3 snow emergency, but with the company I had, I surely did not mind. I met her kid, and Xzavior is a wonderful little 2 year old. Now to shower.
I got my Nissan Sentra Friday night, right when the snow was getting really thick, and it handles like a dream.
I got my Nissan Sentra Friday night, right when the snow was getting really thick, and it handles like a dream.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Old feelings die hard
I was looking through some of my old boxes of stuff today after the gym, and I discovered my old notebooks from elementary school. I saw my handwriting figuring out simple problems and the joy of the solutions came back to me.
However, in the back of my notebooks I wrote how I felt and those scribbles brought back feelings as well.
I read how I was depressed because I was being picked on in elementary school. I could see old smudges where my tears fell on the page on top of my pencil and pen marks, I saw the scrunches where I would grip the paper because I was so emotional, with an even mixture of anger and frustration.
I read about the first fight I got in, and all of the fights afterwards. I read about when I would be pushed down a hill repeatedly by the 3rd and 4th graders because I looked like a little girl. I remember them pushing me into a hornets nest and laughing as I flailed trying desperately not to get stung and only threw rocks ands sticks at me when I would start to cry. I read my lines and I remember when I snapped and started beating them with a loose fencepost and screaming at them to stop teasing me. I remember shoving gravel into their mouths so they would know how hard to breath it was for me when they would chase me through the school's nature trails. I remember the teachers pulling me off and giving me punishment by standing under the rain gutter as they poured water down to humiliate me and make me see reason.
I saw no reason, and I still don't.
In my old book Slimy Creepy Crawly Creatures I found more writing about how the same kids would bring up small animals that I loved and show them to me after they mutilated them and made me watch them die. I remember seeing the turtle they repeatedly stomped on and put in front of my face as they held me down, and I remember looking in the turtles eyes as It looked around for any sort of help, but help was futile as part of its shell was broken through and I could see the bubbles forming in the oozing blood as it died.
I remember the only real things that brought me continual happiness was math, my sister, and my evergreen tree.
I remember my first crush, Jennifer Chandler. She was a grade lower than me, but she would save me a seat on the bus, and talk to me as we held hands and lay on each others shoulders. I remember not seeing her over the summer I left Rolla and not being able to say goodbye because my mother disapproved of me showing such feelings until I was at a suitable age for marriage.
I remember one of my few friends Rachel, as she and I would build traps before school in the playground to injure the kids who hurt me.
I remember how magical math and art were to me. Simple multiplication held such beauty that only the sunshines I tried to capture on rocks could come close to match.
I remember my first bike, a red and black huffy. I remember how scared and how thrilled I was when the training wheels came off.
I remember watching ants pick a bird carcass clean, leaving only shiny bones, and how beautiful it seemed to me.
I remember fireflies, and spending hours catching them every evening in the summertime.
I remember my one legged Gym class teacher, as he would chase me with kites in our hands to make exercise more fun for me and to overcome my asthma.
I remember the Eagles nest, and the thrill I would have of climbing it when the teachers were not looking, because I was not old enough yet.
I remember seeing patterns in the way the wind blew, and how everything seemed to tie together. I remember growing potatoes and sunflowers in my garden and how happy it made me to tend to things and watch them grow. I also remember our neighbors randomly cutting down the plants to teach me about the hardships of life.
I remember the feelings of helplessness I had when we left Rolla for Reynoldsburg. I remember thinking my life was going to be over because everything I knew was going away.
Funny how something that happened so long ago can still affect you. These memories are at least 16 years old, and reading my old books, I feel them as if they had just happened.
However, in the back of my notebooks I wrote how I felt and those scribbles brought back feelings as well.
I read how I was depressed because I was being picked on in elementary school. I could see old smudges where my tears fell on the page on top of my pencil and pen marks, I saw the scrunches where I would grip the paper because I was so emotional, with an even mixture of anger and frustration.
I read about the first fight I got in, and all of the fights afterwards. I read about when I would be pushed down a hill repeatedly by the 3rd and 4th graders because I looked like a little girl. I remember them pushing me into a hornets nest and laughing as I flailed trying desperately not to get stung and only threw rocks ands sticks at me when I would start to cry. I read my lines and I remember when I snapped and started beating them with a loose fencepost and screaming at them to stop teasing me. I remember shoving gravel into their mouths so they would know how hard to breath it was for me when they would chase me through the school's nature trails. I remember the teachers pulling me off and giving me punishment by standing under the rain gutter as they poured water down to humiliate me and make me see reason.
I saw no reason, and I still don't.
In my old book Slimy Creepy Crawly Creatures I found more writing about how the same kids would bring up small animals that I loved and show them to me after they mutilated them and made me watch them die. I remember seeing the turtle they repeatedly stomped on and put in front of my face as they held me down, and I remember looking in the turtles eyes as It looked around for any sort of help, but help was futile as part of its shell was broken through and I could see the bubbles forming in the oozing blood as it died.
I remember the only real things that brought me continual happiness was math, my sister, and my evergreen tree.
I remember my first crush, Jennifer Chandler. She was a grade lower than me, but she would save me a seat on the bus, and talk to me as we held hands and lay on each others shoulders. I remember not seeing her over the summer I left Rolla and not being able to say goodbye because my mother disapproved of me showing such feelings until I was at a suitable age for marriage.
I remember one of my few friends Rachel, as she and I would build traps before school in the playground to injure the kids who hurt me.
I remember how magical math and art were to me. Simple multiplication held such beauty that only the sunshines I tried to capture on rocks could come close to match.
I remember my first bike, a red and black huffy. I remember how scared and how thrilled I was when the training wheels came off.
I remember watching ants pick a bird carcass clean, leaving only shiny bones, and how beautiful it seemed to me.
I remember fireflies, and spending hours catching them every evening in the summertime.
I remember my one legged Gym class teacher, as he would chase me with kites in our hands to make exercise more fun for me and to overcome my asthma.
I remember the Eagles nest, and the thrill I would have of climbing it when the teachers were not looking, because I was not old enough yet.
I remember seeing patterns in the way the wind blew, and how everything seemed to tie together. I remember growing potatoes and sunflowers in my garden and how happy it made me to tend to things and watch them grow. I also remember our neighbors randomly cutting down the plants to teach me about the hardships of life.
I remember the feelings of helplessness I had when we left Rolla for Reynoldsburg. I remember thinking my life was going to be over because everything I knew was going away.
Funny how something that happened so long ago can still affect you. These memories are at least 16 years old, and reading my old books, I feel them as if they had just happened.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Isolated nonrelational auditory fuck buddy
Hm. I think the title says it all. Tried it for the first time.
No feelings of guilt yet.
No feelings of guilt yet.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Resolve
Why give up at the first obstacle? Or the third? Or the thousandth? If you want something bad enough, go for it. Never give up.
If I never achieve a desire, so long as I gave everything I could, then I will have no regrets.
Never give up.
I will never give up.
If I never achieve a desire, so long as I gave everything I could, then I will have no regrets.
Never give up.
I will never give up.
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